Author Topic: A Guide to Headpats- Touhou Edition  (Read 9628 times)

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Just A Goofball

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A Guide to Headpats- Touhou Edition
« on: June 18, 2023, 10:46:25 PM »
If you’re reading this, then you’ve either found yourself in a land that defies all logic, or someone threw this book into the trash and you were bored enough to read it. Regardless, welcome.
This guide is mainly for those who either have already been sent to Gensokyo or are the rare few who plan to go in the future.
Now, looking at the cover of this book, you might have a few questions regarding the contents. For instance, who in their right mind would write a guide on how to headpat various mythological beings?
Well for one, I would.
I should also preface this with the name is a tad misleading, as this is not solely a guide on how to headpat the people you’ll meet in Gensokyo. It would be more accurate to say this guide will teach you about the land of Gensokyo, its inhabitants, how to befriend them, and ultimately headpat them.
Why’d I add that last part?

Because why not? (And because I thought it would be funny.)

Before we begin our journey, there’s some baseline information you’ll need so you don’t kick the bucket five minutes into your journey.

What is a headpat, many (myself included) didn’t know this at first but headpats are a type of massage. With your hand going over their head, often using your fingers to lightly massage the person’s scalp. Things like hats, horns, and extra ears can get in the way and must skillfully be maneuvered around.
Or if you’re skilled enough, utilize them while headpatting to improve the happiness of the recipient. It is worthwhile if you are still in the outside world to take classes in massaging and to study general animal biology as this will allow you to administer optimal headpats in regards to many of the youkai.

Another thing to consider is just who you can give headpats to in the first place, sure you could try and walk up to someone randomly and headpat them, but in Gensokyo nearly everyone else has superhuman levels of strength and that will likely cut your journey short before any headpats can be administered.
So before you can headpat someone, gaining their consent is a must, even non-verbally in certain situations. This also leads to longer headpats and an overall more enjoyable time for all parties involved. As for how you can gain their trust, this guide will give you a few tips and some general information to aid you in your quest.

So you know how to headpat, and that you have to gain their trust first, what else could you possibly need to know? How to survive, duh. Gensokyo is a dangerous place for normal humans, even some of the weakest youkai are a tad stronger than a human bodybuilder, you can’t give headpats when you're dead. Ok, well technically you can but that’s for a different chapter.

Some general tips to stay alive:

· Be polite. Not all youkai are monsters, even if that’s what it translates to, treat them with respect, and you might get out intact.

· If you meet a youkai that’s all too eager to take a bite out of some foreign cuisine then your best bet is to book it, stay on the paths, and try to stick to areas with people.

·And finally, try and find the main road, don’t deviate from it, and attempt to make your way to the human village. No point in giving out headpats if you’ll starve the next day.

Assuming that you’ve already found a place to stay, food and water, and a job, we can start with some general information. With that anchor, you can make friends easier without worrying as much about surviving.

Because this is the prologue, we’ll be going over someone every survivor should try and make a friend of, Reimu Hakurei, also known as the Shrine Maiden of Paradise. Making friends with Reimu has the benefits such as protection from various threats, information, and being in the vicinity of someone with plot armor, but putting that aside here’s her story, and some advice on how to befriend her.

Reimu Hakurei is a Shrine Maiden who resides in the Hakurei Shrine. A shrine that's about half an hour's walk east of the Human Village.
This shrine is often visited by youkai, so you will have to be vigilant when visiting her.
One will often find Reimu either outside the shrine relaxing, cleaning, or hanging out with her friends. If she’s not there then she’s likely off to solve another incident and you should likely head back to the village lest you encounter a dangerous youkai.
Despite saving Gensokyo on many occasions, she doesn’t get many donations, likely due to the yokai that fancy hanging around it. So if you ever have some spare change or food, give the sweet lass a donation, I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.

   As for why the shrine of the main youkai exterminator has youkai wandering near and oftentimes on the premises, that touches on a secret of Gensokyo. One that I will go more in-depth in the Human Village chapter. But to give you a brief explanation, youkai need belief to exist, so they scare humans so they’ll remember them.
And so this land is held in a careful balance, one where the youkai have to make humans scared of them, but not kill any, lest the amount of belief is lowered or the humans all rally up against them.

   Reimu often works as a youkai exterminator, someone tasked with taking care of large and small threats involving youkai. But such a job distances herself from the people of the village, forcing her to put up a facade. In truth, she desires peace between humans and youkai, but such a change is difficult with many humans and youkai alike still stuck in their old ways.
So, when no one from the human village is watching, she’ll hang out with many of the youkai. As unknown to the humans in the village, exterminating a youkai doesn’t necessarily mean killing it. Reimu often simply stops whatever they're doing that’s causing trouble and ends up having tea with them in the end.

As for her personality, Reimu is someone I’d best describe as a person who “goes with the flow”. She can be quick to anger if her routines are messed with, often by outside influence. Though, as fast as her anger can flare up, it can dissipate just as quickly.
She’s also quite a joyful person when not putting up her facade, if a bit arrogant at times.

When wanting to become friends, there is of course the common sense of being polite. Visiting her shrine during the day while most of the youkai sleep is also advised.
Something to note, due to the lack of donations Reimu often doesn’t have enough to eat and has to rely on the kindness of her friends also bringing food when they visit her. So when visiting her, pack an extra lunch to share, I’m sure she’ll appreciate it. And if she somehow doesn’t want to accept the kindness of a stranger, leave it on top of the offering box, as donations can also be food instead of currency.

Let’s say you’ve met with Reimu for about a few weeks now, you’ve hung out and told stories of the outside world, you’ve shared lunches and drank tea, and you’ve surprised her by donating to her shrine on a semi-regular basis, you’ve broken past her facade of being a youkai exterminator and became her genuine friend, congrats! Now what?
Well, you’ll need to find the right time to ask that question or the right situation where you wouldn’t need to ask. But the former is more likely to work and less likely to result in a swift elbow to the gut.
The best time to ask someone if you can administer headpats is during a time of relaxation, also only the two of you in the vicinity makes it more likely, as headpats may be seen as embarrassing in a public environment. You could also get her use to the idea of headpats by quickly and lightly patting their head as a gesture of good faith, the same reason someone might pat you on the back, or shoulder.

Because Reimu is a human there isn't any specific advice I can give on the technique, you’ll have free reign of the head without anything to worry about besides the bow on the back of her head.

Well, that’s it for the prologue of this guide, I wrote this all on and off for about two hours and had a blast. I’m still semi-new to Touhou so most of my information came from the wiki and a LOT of memes.
I hope you all enjoyed this little project, I might be writing more in the future.
(Edit: I indeed did write more, more than I was expecting.)
Life is but a game, and I lost the tutorial manual in the wash.
Bring it on.


  • Genso overclocking
Re: A Guide to Headpats- Touhou Edition
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2023, 01:53:44 AM »
greetings! Nice job!
how about a youkai version...?
May the outdated lives

Suspicious person

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Re: A Guide to Headpats- Touhou Edition
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2023, 09:47:17 AM »
I also heard people say that pure furies randomly start playing when you try to pet Reisen, and it makes them feel very unsafe despite the subject matter being cooperative : additional guidance is requested

More clarification and details are needed by the headpats enjoyers out there, and we at he Human Village Vigilance comittee eagerly awaits more detailed guides for security's sake.