Author Topic: [WORK IN PROGRESS] Umm, I might need a beta reader for this one fanfic.  (Read 1386 times)

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SeroVich

  • Youkai Hunter Maniac
  • Gender: Male
So, I am making a fanfic story about Nemuno Sakata and how her lonely mindset might negative affect her, to the point she might start to fear to be forgotten after her death and no one knowing who she really was. I would like to hear it from you guys of what you think about it, and what do you think there is a problem. Anyway, here is a link down below:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Yyo0uaEeQb4tY24mZHZcQ7I1OpSUAcZNFznIytfpGm8/edit?usp=sharing
"Thou art a genius." - Tomo Takino, Chapter 1; Page 38

Re: [WORK IN PROGRESS] Umm, I might need a beta reader for this one fanfic.
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2024, 07:16:53 AM »
It was a pretty cool read. The concept is really compelling and there's a lot of interesting directions to branch out this idea. For now I can't say much else until we get more content. I would like to ask more questions about how you'll develop the fic but I don't want to spoil the story for myself.

I don't want to sound mean but there's a few grammar mistakes I would like to point out (Ironic coming from me who makes an ungodly amount of spelling errors in all my posts):
- When you said "After she striked down the tree the last time". The correct term would not be striked but rather struck because the past tense of strike is struck.
- In the part where you write "could not make her stuck again.", it would be better to say "would not get her stuck again".
- In the last sentences, you start every sentence with the word she. Try swapping it out with other words as the avoid unnecessary repetition and make the pace of the text feel more fluid.

Overall, it's pretty nice, there's a lot of potential in this fic. Make sure to update us on any new developments.